17 July 2013

How to not get a boyfriend...

Bonjourno!

As I have successfully  remained boyfriendless for the whole of my life, I thought that it would be pretty rude of me NOT to share my secrets. Sooooo I have comprised a list of things to do if you most definitely DO NOT want a boyfriend (may I add that the same rules totally apply to not getting a girlfriend as well!) 

1) In the summer holidays, instead of getting out and meeting new people (including those of the male species), stay inside all day, reading depressing books, watching millions of films and blogging!

2) If  for some reason a boy does decide to talk to you, instead of responding like a normal human being either :
A) Say nothing and look terrified that he even spoke to you.
B) Let a random splurge of shite escape your mouth, and babble on for about 20 minutes before you realise he's gone to sleep.
C) Laugh really loudly and hysterically, even if he's only asked you to lend him a pen.

3)When you get dressed, instead of wearing that cute top and shorts, or that pretty summer dress, throw on the sweaty, possibly curry stained rags you had on yesterday. No one will come near you - result! 

4)When you are offered an invitation to go to a party, which could be the perfect opportunity to hook up with someone, refuse because it's on a Friday , and when else are you going to watch The Graham Norton Show????

5)Instead of being open to the possibility of fancying a range of boys, thus giving you more options for the position of boyfriend , intensely crush on just one boy, especially  one who has never ever show any interest in you, ever.

If you follow these 5 simple steps, there is the distinct possibility that you will remain alone for life! Have fun with life as a lonely spinster!

Love you!

Ella x

9 comments:

  1. Hahaha, I definately advocate the use of 2B :P

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  2. Yup, I've followed this method and it has excellent results!

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  3. You forgot being the cock block for your friends when they not interested in a guy who can't take a hint,guys hate that girl. And friend-zoning someone in front of Latin class very loudly when they're annoying you. You'll be set for a boyfriendless life.

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  4. I have followed your ways for all of my heartily-lived 16 years of life and they have worked splendidly :)

    http://wastelandsofwisdom.blogspot.co.nz/

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  5. 1-5 is definitely my lyfe =)) please do move next to my place and we'll have single girls pity party every weekend hahahaha

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  6. I would like to add: if on the rare occasion you meet a boys glance, don't smile in a flirtatious manner, simply pull a face like "omfg stop looking at me right now or I'll kill you"

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  7. Friday nights are only ever for me and Graham Norton.

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