I am a very emotional human being.I get upset on a regular basis, about the most stupid things, remembering a childhood friend, watching the part in 'A Knight's Tale' when Will is reunited with his father, or even just listening to a sad song (Lighthouse by Patrick Watson does it for me every time)
Looking through my diary, I realise that recently I have been thinking about/crying over the idea of freedom. Sometimes I feel I've got to get away (not a reference to ~ Soft Cell's Tainted Love ~ - oh ok, it is, I've been listening to too many 80's records lately - sorry, back to my emotions). Simply get away from my family and be alone for a bit.
I get frustrated with people being around all the time. Not because I hate my family, I love them to pieces, but sometimes I feel I'm a bit... repressed, constrained... restricted. If I want to go somewhere or meet someone, I have to ask about it first. If I decide I want to sit in bed and eat chocolate all day well, I can't. If I want to watch 'A Very Potter Musical', and sing along to the songs very loudly, I will receive frowny looks from my nearest and dearest!
What is worse is the way I place boundaries on myself. I'm scared to get a boyfriend because I worry that my family would laugh and tease me, and as a result of this, I've never been kissed. I worry about going on a diet, or trying to lose weight, as my family might disapprove.
I simply feel that I'm not able to be myself. I know it's not my family's fault, it's something I bring unto myself, but I can't help but feel, if I had more freedom, then I might be.. happier?
I apologise for all the teenage angst bursting out of this post, but it had to happen at some point.
Love you all!
P.s. Here's the Patrick Watson song that is so beautiful it makes me cry.